Back in essex, but certainly not back in time

Well yesterday i made the move back from bristol and its gaming stores and great friends, back to essex

Dont get me wrong, i'm glad to be back here with my other friends again, but damned if this is how i wanted to return here

Adding into these sickeningly familiar surroundings and inhabitants, lets throw in an old home - Perfectly normal and simple to the outside, but on walking in, everything is different. Not just a splash of paint and some new bedding, but the attitudes, the family, even the pet. People grow older, personalities change, and families drift apart. And here is a prime example of that

I suppose the only thing thats truely changed may actually be me. Im not the same pup i was when i left to go live in a big city 180miles from home anymore. Im no longer in a relationship for one startling difference!

Though that adds as a point in my life right now - What my future is and where im gonna be in it. Until a few weeks ago i had my life planned, or at least had some security. Being single is scary for me right now and my brain doesnt seem to handle it properly :(

Have you ever wished for a period of your life back? Thats the feeling i have been having lately, hoping that if i could make it happen maybe i wouldnt hurt, or even prepare myself for the inevitable! I provide my first poetry entry for you now before moving on to something less depressing....

Thought I was strong.
Believed I could do it.
Yet now there is doubt.
Do I really want this?

I wrote all the poems;
My anger on a page.
Now there’s emptiness here,
But why do I feel it?

Can it truely be,
That I miss you now?
Your hand in mine;
Is it only your hand I need?

Torn up inside,
My soul is yearning,
As my mind screams.
What am I doing?

Maybe I need a man,
But is this new guy,
Really the one,
Or is it just lust?

The question remains.
Still, I’ve no answer.
What solution is there?
Can’t I cut out this heartache?

In a crowded place,
I still search for you.
Is this really ok,
Or am I going insane?

Is love truely gone,
Even though seeing you,
Still ignites a spark?
Should I move first?

Dive into my heart,
So cracked and torn.
Years of heartbreak;
Are they taking their toll?

Life is not so full,
My future now,
An uncertain decision.
Is this your doing?

My only solution,
May cause my destruction.
To be in your arms;
Will this make it worse?

So on a lighter side, planning has long begun and continues in the production of my first World of Darkness campaign - Cthulhu meets aveley in an orgy of tentacles, cults and corruption :)

Now spending my time organising to meet up with varying friends here and there to try and catch up on the last 5 months of my absence, along with preparing myself to hurtle into the world of craft and making my first tail and arms.

Procrastination is my best friend for now however as i avoid the unpacking of my life - Maybe that would help with afforementioned oh-so-emo entry

Looking forward to meeting some old friends, and potentially even getting back to bristol to say hi to some new ones, along with attempting to drag some friends here from over the uk to say hi and huggle